So… Valentine’s Day is here, once again… The whole country is prodding you to demonstrate love to your wife, and everything is pink and red and hearts…
And let’s just skip the part where you say “well, she said ‘don’t worry about me, I don’t care about Valentine’s Day, and I don’t want you to do anything special’” – because she DOES care and it DOES matter. This is a time when her lips and her heart are out of synch – don’t listen to her words this time!
It’s YOUR heart that she wants. She wants to know that you LOVE her and DESIRE her still, regardless of whether you’ve been married a year or forty.
So DON’T just buy a card, a dozen roses and take her to dinner – that’s not your HEART! Spend some time considering your wife, and some more time thinking about personal gifts you can give her that are really from your own heart.
more “Valentine’s Day for the Men”
I’ve always struggled to grasp the complexity of this idea that while the man is the head and the woman is the heart, that somehow we’re still equal.
There IS this truth that it IS all on us – that God expects us to do or handle – be responsible for – everything in our married states. And at least for me, for the longest time along with the knowledge that we’re responsible, comes the necessary fact that we also have the last word – the final say – the ‘buck stops here’ – that we have to have the right to decide the how and why.
But then I kept reading and hearing that the husband and wife are ‘equal’ – that if anything – the wife is somehow more valuable than the husband, and I kept going back in forth in my head – how is this possible?
more “First among Equals”
Ok. Let’s get back to the beginning of our relationship with our husbands, when we were his girlfriend! I know, it may be a long time ago for some of us, but take a minute to really think about it…
The following are a few ideas on how to become the girl he wants to still come home too.
- Get excited for him to arrive – We would prepare our clothes, makeup, etc. and watch out the window for him. We were anxious to see him and he was anxious to see us! Do we still think about preparing for him? I know we all have children, but he came before them. We need to focus on putting him first.
- Plan a date without him knowing it – If you have small children, and you can’t get a babysitter, plan it for when they go to bed. Send your husband little texts to expect a good time later, that you have it planned and are excited for him to come home. If you don’t text, call him and tease him a little with short messages. He will love to know that you want to see him. Wear something special and only have eyes for him.
- Just be with him – This may seem silly to some of you, but trust me, it is important to him. When we were dating or first married, I could sit and watch him doing anything for hours. We would talk or not. In other words, when he was working on the car, fixing something, cleaning the garage, etc. It truly would energize him! For the last several years, I have figured this out again. What goes through my mind sometimes? The laundry is waiting, the house is messy, I have more important things to do….. Actually, you are showing him that you love to be with him and that he is number ONE. Do you know what that does to him? He wants to be your man again. Society puts our men down all of the time. They have to be important to their “girl” again! They are a Man. Don’t try to offer advice on how he is doing something. Let him do it his way.
- Listen to his dreams – We have a rule when we “date”. We do not talk about money problems, children, work or family issues. We save all of that for another time. We DREAM again. Just like when we were dating. Has it been awhile since you looked forward instead of back? No dream is a bad dream. While dating, Timothy had these crazy dreams that I knew would never come true, but I had a man who dreamed!
Just remember that he needs to feel desired and appreciated. He may have a great job where he is admired and then when he comes home he gets resentment and a bossy wife who runs things. Or do we respect and appreciate all of his hard work for us? Or, he may have an awful job where he isn’t appreciated and needs a calm respectful wife who specializes in building him up and makes him feel like the king of his castle.
How is he treated when he walks through that door? Does he want to come home? Be his girlfriend, his cheerleader, his best friend!
I wasn’t planning to write about ‘reading’ – but when Melissa chose that as her topic – I didn’t want to let her beat me to the ‘you should be reading’ discussion, so here goes…
I think it’s safe to say that a forest worth of paper has been wasted over the years in the form of unopened instruction manuals, and unread assembly instructions. Assembly Instructions? ‘How To’ Manuals? Almost as a rite of passage into manhood we have been conditioned to figure it out, learn as we go, solve it ourselves. Asking for directions or reading the manual is like a show of weakness.
But I think it’s true for all of us that one area that we already ‘read’ or ‘study’ – is in our professions. Whether we’re a ditch digger, a farmer, or a doctor, if we’re not constantly learning, we aren’t going to get better at our career, and before long we’re going to be marginalized, stuck, or unemployed. And this learning takes the form of reading, study, and learning from others who are more knowledgeable.
But what about our Marriages? Are we ‘figuring it out’ as we go – like putting together a bike, or are we studying – like it’s super important and we can’t afford to screw it up?
more “What are you Reading?”