Are you reading? Ok, but are you reading on how to be a better spouse?  I don’t read anywhere near as much as I should, but I did read an older article from Mark Merrill, and I love the impact his first words have…

Do you love your spouse more than anything else in the world?

And then he goes on to say: “Or, do you find yourself loving things, your kids, your job, or your hobbies more than your spouse? Marriage is the centerpiece of the family. Research has shown time and again that a strong marriage has immense, innumerable benefits for the kids, community, and society.

But no matter how much “in love” you are when you first get married, other things (some of them really good things!) will eventually compete for your time and affection.

Here are some ways you might be loving things, kids, career, or friends more than your spouse and what to do about them:”

Read the rest of his great article here: Do you put your spouse first

In His Sacred Heart,

Timothy

I believe that every man needs and deserves some “recreation”.

Most of us, I believe, roll from one form of our ‘duty of state’ to another, with only the drive home and maybe a bathroom visit (sorry) that we can call our own.

The rest of our day is filled with home maintenance, our day job, volunteer work, helping with the kids, staying up on affairs of the world, our professional training, and maybe some physical exercise, and probably a part time job as well.

And if we have special needs children or teenagers (a special form of special needs child), and/or a wife who is overwhelmed with the pace of 21st century life, anything like free time is spent helping where we can.

<This is rambling, but stay with me>

Even Garcia Moreno, the Catholic Martyr of Ecuador allowed himself an hour a day of recreation.

“And the bow, if bent all the time, loses its ability to fire an arrow because it’s always drawn and tight.”

Recreation – or to ‘re create’ is meant to restore and repair us so that we can effectively fight again tomorrow.

But most men have no formal, regular form of recreation because they look at all their duties of state and the battle raging on all fronts, and walk back into the fire.

I believe that one of the healthiest things all of us could do is decide on, choose, and begin some form of regular even daily recreation.

Mowing the lawn, working in the garden or repairing the car doesn’t count! It’s just another one of our duties!

<Now here’s where I lose some people> But playing video games or watching movies, shows or another football game also doesn’t count!

I think it has to be something that we can do, and afterwards feel refreshed and at peace and with more energy to go back out to work tomorrow morning.

If you spend your day doing physical work, then drawing, painting, writing, reading, whittling, or any other non-productive activity is an amazing way to unwind at the end of the day – and all these activities are wife and child friendly.

And if you spend your day doing “knowledge work” like so many people – 8, 10, or 12 hours a day in front of a computer screen or in an office, then getting outside – to play a game of catch, or kickball, or just take a walk – one day for each child, and one for your wife – or anything that gives you 30 minutes of time to unwind – would be so beneficial.

There’s no time, of course, in anyone’s already crazy day to carve out 30 minutes for something so ‘useless’ as recreation.

But I’m convinced that if we did take 30 minutes a day – just for ourselves – to recreate – to “re create” – in a true manner that refreshes our bodies and souls – we would be more patient and more at peace – and good things would start to happen all over.

In His Sacred Heart,
Timothy

Dear Friends,

You know that in your spiritual life, if you are not moving forward, you will move backward.  It is the same in the married life.  If we don’t “work” on our marriage day to day, we will stagnate and move backward.  If we do not have forefront in our minds that this marriage is the most important commitment in our lives, than we will risk not using the amazing graces that God gave us on our wedding day.

There are several things that we can do to move forward, consciously, each day.  One of them is to read good marriage books.  I know how it goes, we don’t find the time during the day and then we fall asleep trying to read at night.  Try to read at least 10 minutes in the morning.  I can’t remember anything after 7pm myself.  If we read a little each day on improving ourselves and getting to know how our men think, feel, and relate, our marriages can grow stronger each day.

more “Reading”

The day has come and gone, but with witnesses and God and everyone, we made a promise!

Remember what we said?

“I Take You, to by my lawfully wedded wife…”

To have – For Someone to ‘Have’ you means you belong to them.  And Our Faith is clear on this – we are each other’s.  We no longer belong to ourselves – we give ourselves to our spouse.

And to hold – You promised to hold her!  So very often that’s all she wants.  After a long day or week, just to be held and to know that you’ve got her.  In your arms is what she’s dreamt of

From this day forward – How many days have passed since these promises?  How easy it is for us to forget them, but we need to remember!!  We promised!

For better – Although it’s easier when things are going well, it’s still possible to forget what we promised.  To Have and to Hold – when things are going well, we still need to take the time to stop, step aside, and care for our wives.

For worse – No one except God knows the crosses you’ve been through, and I don’t pretend to either.  But for all you’ve been through, your wife, more gentle and more sensitive, suffers the more.  Even if it’s you suffering and she not knowing how to make things better.  So especially, especially when things are worse, do you need to have and to hold her.  We Promised!

For richer – Have you given her things, and gifts and trips?  They don’t mean anything to her if she doesn’t have you.  Don’t think that material goods will take your place.  She’d trade them all for quiet and consistent one on one time with you.

For poorer – when we’re worried about the bill collectors and the past due mortgage and if we’re going to have money to feed the kids this week, we can quickly forget that as strong as she is, she needs our courage and strength even more.  We have to be the protection and security, even in the midst of financial trials.  We promised!

In sickness, and in health – Our promise goes all the way down to basic health!

Remember what we’ve done?  Our promise was so broad sweeping that it covered everything.  We stood there and looked her in the eyes and told her that we’d hold her through any and every possible thing that could stand against our love!

Until death do us part – and then we scratched that line in the sand by saying we’d never stop.

A promise is a promise.

How good is our word?

Actions prove who someone is
Words just prove who they want to be

All the books we read, and iMom.com, and AllProDad.com, and yes, the other blogs, and the other things we read or listen to for ideas on how to be better husbands and wives, and of course we pray to be better in these God given roles, but what are we doing?

I mean at the end of the day and the week, have we actually put into action any of the things we’ve read or planned to do? Not all of them, goodness no, but any of them?

I find that most of what I want to do for my marriage – the way I want to demonstrate love – the goals I have for myself to be the husband my bride deserves – most of them sit week after week in my ‘todo’ list – not done. Not accomplished. Not part of my life.

One of the beautiful things about Sunday is that it’s truly a new beginning – like the sunrises – it’s another chance for us to reflect and look back on last week to see not what we’ve said, but what we’ve done – how we’ve demonstrated love and respect for our spouse. And because God knows we’re not perfect, and we haven’t changed much from last week, we get to wipe the page clean, and try again.

Yea – we need to keep reading and studying on how to be a better spouse – we can’t stop learning the art of Marital Love – but let’s take a few short minutes on Sunday and make a plan to do something more this week to continue this work of becoming the husband or wife our spouse dreams of.

Don’t talk, just act
Don’t say, just show
Don’t promise, just prove