This is from the Ballad of the White Horse:

And this was the might of Alfred, At the ending of the way;

That of such smiters, wise or wild, He was least distant from the child, Piling the stones all day.

For Eldred fought like a frank hunter That killeth and goeth home;

And Mark had fought because all arms Rang like the name of Rome. 

And Colan fought with a double mind, Moody and madly gay;

But Alfred fought as gravely As a good child at play.

He saw wheels break and work run back And all things as they were;

And his heart was orbed like victory And simple like despair.

Therefore is Mark forgotten, That was wise with his tongue and brave;

And the cairn over Colan crumbled, And the cross on Eldred’s grave.

Their great souls went on a wind away, And they have not tale or tomb;

And Alfred born in Wantage Rules England till the doom.

And as a child whose bricks fall down Re-piles them o’er and o’er, Came ruin and the rain that burns, Returning as a wheel returns,

And crouching in the furze and ferns He began his life once more.

That made sense, right?  Or, maybe a little more explanation is needed?

more “Begin Again”

We spend so little valuable time with our spouses, that the last thing we want to do is ruin a perfectly good Sunday. It seems like of all days, it’s the day we should reconnect and recreate that spark between each other to carry us through the rest of the week.

But I recently had the opportunity and figured out how to ruin a Sunday, and as a cautionary tale, I thought I’d share it with you.

Don’t Get enough Sleep

First, go to bed late the night before. If you’re going to ruin a beautiful day, it’s best to be over-tired.  It’s hard to ruin your day if you get enough rest, so by all means, stay up too late, and maybe eat dessert, or have a couple of drinks really late so you don’t sleep well besides.

Don’t Communicate

Then, in the morning, if you’re planning to ruin the day, don’t communicate with your spouse.  Make a plan, but don’t include them. Now, I’m not talking about a ‘surprise’, because obviously, we want to keep that to ourselves, but on a typical Sunday morning, something as simple as taking everyone out for breakfast should be explained. Our spouse wants to be part of our thoughts, and our plans.

Be in a hurry

A really important part of ruining the day is to be in a hurry. Especially when you combine that with the above – your spouse is sure to be spinning – first, don’t tell them the plan, and then just be impatient and in a hurry – it’s sure to make matters worse.

Assume the worst

Then, and here’s the big one, then after you’ve not let them in on the plan, and been impatient, now when they don’t react like you expect, assume that their intentions are bad – accuse them of being inconsiderate. After all, you’ve had a plan for the day, and even though they didn’t know your plans, and you’ve been impatient, not to mention a little cranky due to lack of sleep, somehow they should have magically figured it all out and rolled with it.

Combine all of this, and you’re sure to fracture your Sunday into a dozen pieces.

But all is not lost. Even if you’ve pretty much ruined the day, you get to decide how it ends.

Go back to your spouse with true humility and sincerely apologize, and even if they aren’t quick to forgive you, because remember they counted on Sunday to reconnect and refresh their empty batteries and you’ve screwed it up. Even if they aren’t quick to accept your apology, love them and recognize your behavior, and ask their forgiveness, and because they do love you, they will forgive, and all will be well.

Take this short quiz.  Then check your answers at the bottom and see your score!  If you don’t score very high, take the quiz every month until you do…

more “Take this Quiz”

My boys are grown men, with wives and children of their own, so it’s a profoundly joyful time for me each year when they make it a point to visit me at the same time, and we go out to have dinner, drink beer, see a movie, and just be together.

One year we saw a movie together – martial arts, violence, etc., etc. – awesome bonding material – of course not much else in the movie was worth it – but there, right in the middle of it all a samurai warrior who is going off to die says this amazing thing to another, younger man:  “None of us knows how long he shall live or when his time will come, but soon, all that will be left of our brief lives is the pride our children feel when they speak our names.”

But when I hear it, more often I hear it slightly different, and it is this:

None of us knows how long he shall live or when his time will come, but soon, all that will be left of our brief lives is the Love our wives feel when they speak our names.

And I forget this almost all the time, but once in a while, I remember, and when I do it makes me stop and really consider what it is I’m leaving for my wife to remember me by.

I can count, sadly, the all too few love letters I’ve written my bride, but I’ve lost count of the times I’ve said a sharp word or hurt her through my pride or impatience.

How too few are the times I’ve watched a sunset while holding her hand, or walked with her, with no agenda, like nothing else was pressing, or waken her with a kiss.

And although I’ve been given several times every year to demonstrate my love for my beautiful wife, I’ve made far too few of these days important.

Instead it’s been the crush of this crazy life, tumbling me furiously like a stone in the river, flinging from one day or week to the next, and rarely connecting, and then only long enough to catch my breath before getting swept away again.

None of us knows how long we have – but what we do know is that today and tonight, and right now we do have time to demonstrate love – with a word, a note, a touch.

Here’s to whatever time we have remaining – may we all fill it with love of our wives – so the very thought of us fills their hearts with Love.

Well, there’s been a lot of pretty heavy emails lately, so I thought we’d change it up and give you something lighter.

Almost everyone has seen the video at the bottom of this post, but it’s so true, it’s worth a re-watch if you have, and a couple of watches if you haven’t.

But hold, on! Don’t make the mistake of watching this video from the wrong angle – that wives are clueless – and won’t accept simple solutions to obvious problems.

I do it more often than I care to admit.  I’m a problem solver, and when Melissa comes to me with a problem, I jump to solve it – step-by-step, with diagrams and charts – the whole 9 yards.

But how arrogant!  How Presumptuous!  How Silly!  This smart, talented and beautiful woman solves dozens of problems a day, from the kids, to bills, feeding our family healthy on half what it takes, keeping the house clean while thing 1 and thing 2 race in opposite directions to destroy it, and trying her best to care for me in all my various moods of man-gruffness.

Our wives, almost all of them, take on the suffering of those around them while in the midst of trying to help. They don’t sympathize.  Instead, they really feel the pain, and asking them to NOT feel, like we can do, is impossible, because that’s how they were built.

What they need, then, isn’t for us to solve the problem.  It’s to hold them, and love them, and wrap them into our arms where they feel protected – and they can rest for awhile.

Don’t fix it – it’s not about the nail.