Sundays have a special character to them. They’re a day to reset, reconnect, and recharge – not just spiritually, but also as husband and wife. After a week of busyness and distractions, Sunday can be the space where we reawaken the spark between us, filling our hearts for the week ahead.
We spend so little valuable time with our spouses, that the last thing we want to do is ruin a perfectly good Sunday. It seems like of all days, it’s the day we should reconnect and recreate that spark between each other to carry us through the rest of the week.
But I’ve had the opportunity and figured out how to ruin a Sunday, and as a cautionary tale, I thought I’d share it with you.
Step 1: Go to Bed Too Late
The first way to sabotage a beautiful Sunday is to set yourself up for failure the night before. Stay up too late. Whether it’s finishing a movie, scrolling through your phone, or eating dessert and having a drink too late, make sure to skimp on a good night’s sleep.
Being overtired is the perfect way to ensure you’ll wake up irritable and short-tempered. And who can expect love to flourish when you’re already running on empty before the day even begins?
Step 2: Don’t Communicate
If you’re looking to ruin the day, neglecting communication is a great place to start. On this particular Sunday, my wife – whose heart shines so beautifully during the Christmas season – was lovingly preparing thoughtful treats for the neighbors, something she pours herself into every year. Instead of stepping in with support, I ignored her requests for help because I was busy with my own tasks. In my mind, I thought, “She’s got this – why does she need me?” – as if her asking for help wasn’t reason enough.
When I finally did step in, I did things my way instead of meeting her where she was. And when she gently tried to redirect me, I got defensive, accusing her of “always criticizing how I do things.” In failing to communicate, I didn’t just withhold the practical help she needed – I took away the joy of partnership. When we stay distant or indifferent, we make our spouses feel invisible, as though their needs are an inconvenience rather than an invitation to love.
Step 3: Be in a Hurry
Then, instead of slowing down to really hear her and be present, I let my impatience take the wheel. Her Christmas prep was already on a tight schedule – baking, bagging, organizing – but instead of calmly working alongside her, I rushed through everything. I wasn’t trying to understand her vision or give her the kind of help that would actually ease her load.
Instead, my impatience created tension. In my head, I was thinking, “Why does she have to be so particular about every little thing?” – as if her care and attention to detail weren’t the very things that make her efforts so special. And because I was already rushing and frustrated, I had no capacity to love her well in those moments.
Step 4: Assume the Worst
And here it is – the final, and perhaps most damaging, ingredient to ruining a Sunday. After failing to communicate and rushing through the tasks, I managed to twist her good intentions into something negative. When she tried to guide me – because she wanted the presentation to reflect the same love she had poured into every detail – I got defensive. I made her the problem. I told her she was “always criticizing me,” as though she had been trying to tear me down instead of lifting up the work we were doing together.
Looking back, I see how unfair that was. My wife wasn’t criticizing me; she was trying to invite me into something that mattered to her. Instead of seeing that, I let my own pride and insecurities take over. And in that moment, I assumed the worst about her heart – when, in truth, her heart was only trying to give and love more deeply.
But All Is Not Lost
Here’s the good news: even when you mess it up, you can decide how it ends.
When I reflect on all the disconnection I’ve created in my marriage, I see my pride as the biggest culprit. Pride keeps me from pausing. Pride keeps me from truly considering how my actions make her feel. Pride keeps me defensive when I should be humble.
But love, true love, isn’t ruled by pride. It’s ruled by humility.
So what can we do when we’ve derailed the day? We return to our spouse with a sincere, unguarded heart. We own our mistakes. We name the ways we fell short – not in a quick, throwaway “I’m sorry,” but with the kind of apology that shows we’ve truly reflected:
“I was impatient and didn’t support you the way you deserved today. Instead of helping, I made things harder, and that wasn’t loving or fair. I’m sorry! Will you forgive me?”
It’s not always easy to admit our faults, and even though my beautiful bride makes it seem so, it’s not always easy for our spouse to immediately accept our apology. After all, they were counting on the same day to refill their emotional cup – a cup we helped empty instead of fill.
But here’s the beautiful thing: Love endures. Love forgives. Love chooses to try again, even after a tough day.
A Final Thought
As I write this, I know there will be more Sundays where I’ll fall short. More moments where I’ll fail to live up to the husband I know God is calling me to be. But I also know that each failure is an opportunity to grow, to love better, and to rely more on His Grace.
So, the next time you feel a day slipping through your fingers, ask yourself: “How can I end this day well? How can I choose love, even now?”
The answer, I’ve found, is always humility. And with humility comes hope – a hope that transforms even our most broken days into something beautiful.
What steps will you take today to ensure your marriage is strengthened, not strained, by how you live and love?