Where there is no Love

When I first started this blog, I had this little idea that I would just put down some of the thoughts I had regarding marriage. Maybe just some of the ideas or considerations I had about being married and directed to both husbands and wives.

A really long time ago I when I had all the kids at home someone told me that a really great idea to be way more productive was to wait until all the children and my wife had gone to bed and then spend the extra 10 to 12 hours reading or writing or working – giving up a night’s sleep to get more done.

And so I tried it for a few weeks – what a lousy idea – it’s so disordered and messes you up – like God got it wrong with only 24 hours in a day – I had to go ahead and try to put in a 32 hour day.

But I do remember one week in particular when I finished reading a book called “Promises to Keep”. It’s a beautiful story of a Catholic family set in the 1930’s in Denver. They suffered a lot of hardships and crosses and poverty and yet they were full of joy.

It hit me as I read this book that their joy was integral to who they were – like the joy came from being Catholic and Loving and not from their circumstances – what a thought.

The main part of the story that stands out in my mind is the motto that they came to live by. It was a saying from St. John of the Cross:

“Where there is no love, put love, and you will find love, because in the end we shall be judged by love”

I remember after finishing the book – it was early – like 3am early – and that saying was lodged in my chest like a knife – and I remember weeping at the weight of it.

I then had this crazy idea that I wanted to make it visible and known in our family – and I found a can of blue paint and proceeded to write out the saying on our kitchen wall – in letters a foot high. The whole message was scrawled four feet wide and six feet high for everyone to see.

Hours later, Melissa and my children had a lot to say when they came out to the kitchen. And even though it was crazy, that saying and the joy of that family in the book has haunted me and been the thing I go back to time and time again – because it has the answer to everything we’re looking for.

I first thought this blog should be a marriage blog – something for husbands and wives both to read and hopefully find some little inspiration – something that they didn’t know – and maybe they could apply it to themselves.

I’ve since realized that it’s almost entirely the men – me and others like me – not the wives – who need to change and be inspired and grow into who our wives saw when they decided to marry us.

The world grinds us up daily and leaves us little, but the key, I believe, is Joy and Love. If we could just find those two things and make those essential to who we are and how we live, I believe we could change the world.

So, this blog is directed to husbands mostly, and your dear, lovely wives, with the hope and prayer that at the end at least one person reads something here that make a difference.

The most important thing is that you adopt this motto – if not in blue paint on the kitchen wall, at least in your hearts.

Because in the end,
you will be judged by Love.

Welcome.