Considerations

Ironic, isn’t it? It’s Thanksgiving weekend – a time to stop and give thanks – and instead, we work like crazy to prepare a lovely dinner for family and friends, jump into Christmas shopping on Black Friday, tackle home projects on a “free workday,” collapse in exhaustion on Sunday, and dive back into the regular grind on Monday morning.

In all this hustle, did we pause long enough to give thanks for our spouse? Not just a Hallmark-card “thanks for all you do,” but a deep, heart-wrenching moment of reflection on the kind of gaping, monstrous hole their absence would leave in our lives.

Here’s a challenge: think of everything they do – everything they are – that makes your life better, whether they realize it or not, and express your gratitude with specificity.

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The Ballad of the White Horse by G.K. Chesterton is an epic poem recounting the Catholic King Alfred the Great’s heroic fight to rally his people and defend England against Heathen Danish invaders. It masterfully intertwines historical events with mythic elements, delving deep into themes of faith, resilience, and the unyielding spirit of a Christian civilization standing firm in the face of chaos and despair.

Near the end of the poem, when Alfred is on the brink of total defeat, Chesterton beautifully weaves an image into the story:

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My wife saw the Greatest showman, and of course, I got to listen to the soundtrack (a lot), and when I first heard the song ‘Never Enough’, not being a real good listener, I heard this song of a lady for whom nothing was enough – not the stars, the fame, nothing. She wanted more and more.

Then for some reason I really listened. You know, like when you’ve tried it your way four times and can’t get it to work, and your wife’s voice, who has been quietly suggesting a different way for fifteen minutes, gets through, and you pause to listen, and it works?

it’s the four words she says right before all of the ‘never enough’ over and over again…

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And no, I’m not talking about the NSA, the Russians, or Google.

Someone sent us a link to an article last week, reminding us that our marriage isn’t just for us—that our marriage is actually a living, visible example to the rest of the world. We have no idea of the good we do by living a truly Catholic marriage.

It reminded me of another article I read with a similar message—about how we are all being watched—by other couples, and by teens and young adults considering their own married life.

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The day has come and gone, but with witnesses and God and everyone, we made a promise!

Remember what we said?

“I Take You, to be my lawfully wedded wife”

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Watch this video: 2015 Rosary Procession - St. Mary's And then maybe watch it a second time. And then consider some of Fr. Beck's words: We also are meant to…

Years ago – or perhaps it just feels like years – a couple facing serious struggles asked Melissa and me for advice.

We were in a panic! I love Melissa deeply, and she somehow loves me, but translating that love into guidance for others felt daunting. How could we possibly offer sound advice?

An hour before our meeting, clarity struck and we started writing:

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I think it’s safe to say that a forest worth of paper has been wasted over the years in the form of unopened instruction manuals, and unread assembly instructions. Assembly Instructions? ‘How To’ Manuals? Almost as a rite of passage into manhood we have been conditioned to figure it out, learn as we go, solve it ourselves. Asking for directions or reading the manual is like a show of weakness.

But I think it’s true for all of us that one area that we already ‘read’ or ‘study’ – is in our professions. Whether we’re a ditch digger, a farmer, or a doctor, if we’re not constantly learning, we aren’t going to get better at our career, and before long we’re going to be marginalized, stuck, or unemployed. And this learning takes the form of reading, study, and learning from others who are more knowledgeable.

But what about our Marriages? Are we ‘figuring it out’ as we go – like putting together a bike, or are we studying – like it’s super important and we can’t afford to screw it up?

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When we come home after a day or week or longer of being gone, we need to create a space and some time to prepare ourselves before we walk through the door at the end of the day. We need to prepare ourselves for children who’ve been bad, a late dinner, and a frazzled wife. We can handle pretty much anything if we are just prepared.

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All of us come home.

Whether we’re accountants or programmers or teachers or farmers or soldiers, and whether it’s daily or weekly or longer, all of us have to step out of the fight and come home.

There’s a completely different set of skills we use when we provide for our families. We have to be decisive, abrupt, aggressive, firm, and for most of us, we have to go, go, go. There’s little rest and less calm, and to survive and perform well, we have to embrace the chaos, and by the end of the day, we’re physically and mentally spent. And if things aren’t going well in our professions, that stress drains our emotional energy as well.

And when we finally come home, at the end of the day or week or trip or tour, we just want some peace and calm and refreshment and consolation.

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