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Considerations

Where there is no Love

When I first started this blog, I had this little idea that I would just put down some of the thoughts I had regarding marriage. Maybe just some of the ideas or considerations I had about being married and directed to both husbands and wives.

A really long time ago I when I had all the kids at home someone told me that a really great idea to be way more productive was to wait until all the children and my wife had gone to bed and then spend the extra 10 to 12 hours reading or writing or working – giving up a night’s sleep to get more done.

And so I tried it for a few weeks – what a lousy idea – it’s so disordered and messes you up – like God got it wrong with only 24 hours in a day – I had to go ahead and try to put in a 32 hour day.

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August 10, 2024
Personal Reflection and Self-Improvement

Remember the Sunrise

I don’t want to be overly morbid, but I’ve meaning to send this for awhile because it’s been on my mind. I need this message, too.

Count to 3.
Seriously—1, 2, 3…

In that time, across the world, five people have died. And I’m not making that number up. The number of people that die each year is approximately 58 million. If you do the math, that means almost two people die every second of every day.

By the time you’ve read this far, another 30 people have died.

Yet here we are—taking so much for granted, believing that someday we’ll get to everything on our list, and later we’ll make time for the important things. But instead, we spend our time on the urgent things: work, and more work, and the children, and projects, and deadlines. It’s our duty of state, after all—and we tell ourselves that once we get everything nicely in place, *then*, yes, *then*, we’ll make time for the things that really matter.
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March 16, 2025
Personal Reflection and Self-Improvement

It’s on the Men

If we’re being honest—and I know I’m not as honest as I should be, way more than I’d like to admit—I believe we could say the vast majority of problems in our marriages are on us. They’re on the men, the husbands. Me, you, (your husband if you’re a wife reading this.) It’s on us.

I think about how we love watching movies where real men shine—guys who overcome their weaknesses, rise up, and become champions. It’s no wonder those stories pull us in. Women watch because they’re longing for that in their husbands. Men watch because we want to be that. Can you imagine one of those heroic figures—say, some gritty warrior or noble leader—pouting because his wife didn’t validate him the way he wanted? Kicking something in a huff? Giving her the cold shoulder or tearing her down because she ticked him off? I can’t. It’s laughable even to picture it.

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March 2, 2025
Marriage and Commitment

The Girl in the Mirror

One of my favorite books on marriage is For Men Only. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it! It even comes with a quick start guide – perfect for men! One chapter, titled The Girl in the Mirror, is especially powerful, and I want to share its core message with you this week. But don’t stop here – get the book and read it!

If you have daughters, you already know this truth. If you don’t, you can easily observe it: Little girls are born with an innate desire to be lovely. They twirl in dresses, admire their bows and ribbons, and delight in all things beautiful. But it’s not just about owning pretty things – they want to be pretty themselves.

Would it surprise you to know that your strong, gifted, hardworking wife is still silently asking the same question?

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

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February 16, 2025
Marriage and Commitment

Valentine’s Day for the Men

 

Make This Valentine’s Day Unforgettable—for Her and for You

So, Valentine’s Day is here once again. The whole country is nudging you—no, pushing you—to demonstrate your love for your wife. Everything is pink, red, and heart-shaped, and whether you like it or not, love is in the air.

But let’s skip the part where you say, “Well, she told me not to worry about it. She said she doesn’t care about Valentine’s Day and doesn’t want anything special.”

Because she does care.

Maybe not about the flowers. Maybe not about the chocolate. Maybe not about a fancy dinner reservation.

But she cares about you.

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February 9, 2025
Personal Reflection and Self-Improvement

There’s still something to be learned

I read an article by Mark Merrill that really resonated with me. He compared marriage to a classroom—one where we are always students, constantly learning about our spouse. His insight was a great reminder that when we said “I do,” we didn’t just commit to love our spouse, we committed to understanding them, growing with them, and deepening our knowledge of who they are.

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February 2, 2025
Marriage and Commitment

Affair Proof Your Marriage

Infidelity is, without question, the most devastating betrayal a marriage can endure. While we can’t control every circumstance in life, we can take deliberate, proactive steps to safeguard our marriages from the influences that threaten them. Today, the threats aren’t as blatant as they once were. The digital age and shifting cultural norms bring subtle, insidious dangers that quietly creep into our lives. Navigating these requires wisdom, humility, and vigilance.

Here are a few practical strategies to help protect your marriage from the dangers of infidelity:

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January 26, 2025
Marriage and Commitment

First among Equals

First Among Equals

I’ve always wrestled with this idea: the man is the head, the woman is the heart, and yet somehow, we’re equal. For years, I didn’t know how to resolve this. If God holds us, as husbands, responsible for the family, doesn’t that mean we have the final say? The “buck stops here”? How can we be equals at the same time as me having the final say – being the one in charge of the marriage?

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January 12, 2025
Faith and Spiritual Growth

New Year’s Resolution

One of my main 2025 New Year’s Resolutions is to finish writing all my 2024 resolutions.

Seriously. I have this too-ambitious tendency to make pages of resolutions and goals because I see all too readily the gaps between where I am and where I want to be – physically, professionally, spiritually, and, of course, in my marriage.

And too often, I write and plan and consider all the things I should start and do and finish, but then life, or projects, or laziness get in the way, and I just don’t get to them.

I do believe resolutions are important – but what’s even more important is the follow-through. Instead of creating a long list of goals, I think we should pause and reflect on what’s truly at the heart of the disconnection in our marriages.

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January 5, 2025