One of my favorite books on marriage is For Men Only. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it! It even comes with a quick start guide – perfect for men! One chapter, titled The Girl in the Mirror, is especially powerful, and I want to share its core message with you this week. But don’t stop here – get the book and read it!
If you have daughters, you already know this truth. If you don’t, you can easily observe it: Little girls are born with an innate desire to be lovely. They twirl in dresses, admire their bows and ribbons, and delight in all things beautiful. But it’s not just about owning pretty things – they want to be pretty themselves.
Would it surprise you to know that your strong, gifted, hardworking wife is still silently asking the same question?
“Do you think I’m pretty?”
Only now, it’s you she’s asking. It’s your eyes she watches. Your opinion she longs for. She isn’t just wondering, Am I beautiful? but Am I beautiful to my husband?
We live in a culture that bombards our wives with impossible standards – whispering that they must be thinner, younger, sexier… flawless. And though she may not voice it, she is asking you this anxious question every day:
“Do you still see me? Do I still captivate you?”
And what we don’t realize is just how deeply our response matters – how much weight our words and actions carry.
She gave you everything when she said, I do. Not just her name and her body, but her trust, her dreams, her future. She placed it all in your hands and said, I believe in you.
And we want them to depend on us. We want them to turn to us with their needs and desires. Well, the little girl inside of her still needs to know that she is beautiful – to you.
So how do we answer her unspoken question?
HUSBANDS:
First, We Start
We start by expressing it – in words and in actions.
Tell her she’s beautiful. Show her that you notice. Not just once, not just in passing, but regularly. If you prefer a certain shade of lipstick, tell her. If she wears a dress that takes your breath away, let her know. If you see a piece of jewelry that would highlight her beauty, surprise her with it – not because it’s expensive, but because it tells her you see her.
Notice her. Let her know that her beauty – inside and out – still moves you.
And if you are truly striving to be a better husband (as we all should be), then ask yourself:
“When was the last time I told her she looked beautiful? When was the last time I admired the details – her eyes, her smile, the way her hands move when she talks?”
We must start noticing again.
Second, We Stop
She longs to be beautiful for you – and only you. And that desire comes with a quiet but deep expectation: That you will keep your eyes for her alone.
We live in a world drowning in immodesty. From billboards to social media, movies to magazines, temptation is everywhere. But we have a choice.
Our wives may not always say it, but they feel it. They see what catches our eyes. And when we allow immodesty to take up space in our hearts and minds – whether through movies, TV, social media, or the casual glances we dismiss as nothing – it hurts them deeply.
So we have to stop. Right now.
This isn’t a one-time decision. It’s a daily commitment.
God made our wives this way – with a deep, God-given longing to be beautiful to us. It’s not vanity; it’s the design of her heart. And if she is precious to you – if you love her – then let your actions reflect it. Guard your eyes. Guard your heart.
And above all, never stop showing her and telling her that she is beautiful – to you, today, and always.
WIVES:
Let Yourself Be Loved
Your husband may not always get this right. He may not notice in the ways you wish he would. He may fumble his words or miss the moments that matter to you. But don’t doubt for a second – he wants to make you feel beautiful.
The question is: Will you let him?
Will you take his compliments without arguing? Will you believe that – even if he doesn’t always express it perfectly – he desires you?
The world will tell you that you have to be skinnier, younger, or more glamorous before you’re truly worth admiring. But that’s not true. You don’t need to change a thing to be beautiful to your husband.
So the next time he tells you that you’re beautiful – don’t dismiss it. Don’t point out your flaws or tell him why he’s wrong.
Just believe him.
Because to him, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.
And isn’t that exactly what the little girl inside of you has always wanted to hear?
Helping Your Husband See Only You
Just as you long to be seen as beautiful in your husband’s eyes, he longs for a world where his heart and mind are drawn to you alone. But in a culture that constantly throws immodesty in his path, that’s not always easy. While he has to guard his own eyes, you can help him.
First, understand the battle he’s fighting. Men are visually wired – it’s how God made them. And in today’s world, it takes effort to look away. Your encouragement, support, and prayers matter more than you know.
So how can you help?
- Be mindful of what comes into your home. The shows you watch together, the social media you scroll through, the magazines lying around – are they making it harder or easier for him to keep his eyes on you alone?
- Encourage and affirm his efforts. If you see him looking away from something inappropriate, skipping past an image, or turning off a show, let him know you noticed and thank him. It strengthens him to hear that his efforts mean something to you.
- Dress with love in mind. This isn’t about rules or restrictions – it’s about being mindful. Just as you appreciate when he guards his eyes, he appreciates when you save certain aspects of your beauty just for him.
At the end of the day, this is about working together. He’s striving to keep his eyes and heart on you, and you have the power to help make that easier.
And when you do? It strengthens your marriage in a way that nothing else can.