The rubber tree plant in the driveway was the give-away

When we first moved to Spokane back in 1992, I went to work for a software development company and we settled in for what we thought would be a long time.  But back then, when I was, believe it or not, a lot more arrogant and impatient than I am now, I didn’t stay very long at a job.  I was good at what I did, but lacked compassion, communication skills, and patience.  I’d work for a job for a couple of years, then start to get bored, and the boredom showed through in my attitude.

In July of 1995 I got fired.  Not laid off, not let go.  Fired.  And when I asked about severance or two weeks’ notice, they kind of shook their heads like they didn’t understand what I was saying.

So here I was, coming home in the middle of the day with my one box of personal stuff and a rubber tree plant which I had in my office, and we’d gotten paid the week before and of course, already spent the money on rent and groceries and whatever else, and I was sick (emotionally) – what do I do now?

Melissa wasn’t home, but later she said that when she drove up, saw my car, she was curious, but that when she saw the rubber tree plant, she just knew I’d lost my job.

After we talked and cried at some point in the conversation, she said “what are you going to do?”

I had no job, no savings, no family in the area and no plan, and here my lovely wife was asking me what I was going to do.  She didn’t ask what we were going to do, and she didn’t offer suggestions.  She asked what I was going to do.

I know that’s a long rambly way around getting to my point, but there is a point and it’s this:

We need you to believe.  We need you to believe in us – your husband.

It’s a serious and profound need and something we can’t explain.  The world certainly doesn’t believe in us, and deep down, we doubt ourselves because we know how many times we’ve failed.

But if you believe – if you can find a way to look at your husband and have the faith that he can, with God’s Grace and his own strength, solve this – whatever this is – then your marriage will be transformed.

When we screw it up, whatever ‘it’ is, we don’t want you to fix it.  Because when you fix it, you simply reinforce that we failed.  What we want and need is for you to believe in us, and count on us to take care of it.  And yea I’m talking about little things – like “you missed the turn” all the way up to huge things like “how will we pay rent?”.

I’ll never forget the day I got fired.  Not because the firing was traumatic or the situation was grim, but because that’s the day that my wife showed me in such an awesome way that she believed in me – and it has given me courage and strength!

I’m not saying it’s simple, because I know that we husbands are a real “piece of work”, but I am saying it’s true – If you want to see a dramatic transformation in the life of your own husband, then demonstrate your faith in him – by your words and actions.  Whether you’ve been married for five years or forty, you can change your marriage simply by believing in your husband.


Leave a Reply