Personal Reflection and Self-Improvement

I don’t want to be overly morbid, but I’ve meaning to send this for awhile because it’s been on my mind. I need this message, too.

Count to 3.
Seriously—1, 2, 3…

In that time, across the world, five people have died. And I’m not making that number up. The number of people that die each year is approximately 58 million. If you do the math, that means almost two people die every second of every day.

By the time you’ve read this far, another 30 people have died.

Yet here we are—taking so much for granted, believing that someday we’ll get to everything on our list, and later we’ll make time for the important things. But instead, we spend our time on the urgent things: work, and more work, and the children, and projects, and deadlines. It’s our duty of state, after all—and we tell ourselves that once we get everything nicely in place, *then*, yes, *then*, we’ll make time for the things that really matter.
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If we’re being honest—and I know I’m not as honest as I should be, way more than I’d like to admit—I believe we could say the vast majority of problems in our marriages are on us. They’re on the men, the husbands. Me, you, (your husband if you’re a wife reading this.) It’s on us.

I think about how we love watching movies where real men shine—guys who overcome their weaknesses, rise up, and become champions. It’s no wonder those stories pull us in. Women watch because they’re longing for that in their husbands. Men watch because we want to be that. Can you imagine one of those heroic figures—say, some gritty warrior or noble leader—pouting because his wife didn’t validate him the way he wanted? Kicking something in a huff? Giving her the cold shoulder or tearing her down because she ticked him off? I can’t. It’s laughable even to picture it.

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I read an article by Mark Merrill that really resonated with me. He compared marriage to a classroom—one where we are always students, constantly learning about our spouse. His insight was a great reminder that when we said “I do,” we didn’t just commit to love our spouse, we committed to understanding them, growing with them, and deepening our knowledge of who they are.

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I read a really great article on Mark Merrill's blog a few years ago, and i just found a copy I printed then to remind me, so I thought it…

Ironic, isn’t it? It’s Thanksgiving weekend – a time to stop and give thanks – and instead, we work like crazy to prepare a lovely dinner for family and friends, jump into Christmas shopping on Black Friday, tackle home projects on a “free workday,” collapse in exhaustion on Sunday, and dive back into the regular grind on Monday morning.

In all this hustle, did we pause long enough to give thanks for our spouse? Not just a Hallmark-card “thanks for all you do,” but a deep, heart-wrenching moment of reflection on the kind of gaping, monstrous hole their absence would leave in our lives.

Here’s a challenge: think of everything they do – everything they are – that makes your life better, whether they realize it or not, and express your gratitude with specificity.

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The Ballad of the White Horse by G.K. Chesterton is an epic poem recounting the Catholic King Alfred the Great’s heroic fight to rally his people and defend England against Heathen Danish invaders. It masterfully intertwines historical events with mythic elements, delving deep into themes of faith, resilience, and the unyielding spirit of a Christian civilization standing firm in the face of chaos and despair.

Near the end of the poem, when Alfred is on the brink of total defeat, Chesterton beautifully weaves an image into the story:

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Take this short quiz. Then check your answers at the bottom and see your score! If you don’t score very high, take the quiz every month until you do.

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Actions prove who someone is, words just reveal who they want to be.

We immerse ourselves in sermons, books, and blogs, seeking wisdom on how to be better husbands and wives. We pray for guidance in these God-given roles. But in the end, what are we really doing?

I mean at the end of the day and the week, have we actually put into action any of the things we have read or planned to do? Not all of them, goodness no, but any of them?

I find that most of what I want to do for my marriage – the way I want to demonstrate love – the goals I have for myself to be the husband my bride deserves – most of them sit week after week in my ‘to-do’ list – not done.

Not accomplished.

Not part of my life.

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