We saw a movie a while ago called The Magic of Ordinary Days, which is actually better and much cleaner than the book it’s based on. It’s a slow-moving romance with lots of relationship drama, and because I really love Melissa, I watched it AND stayed awake through the whole thing.
I was rewarded, though, because about halfway through, when talking about a quiet, simple, dedicated man, his sister says, “One thing you should know about Ray. When he makes up his mind, he’s all in.”
Pretty easy to miss if you aren’t paying attention, but there it is.
Once we make up our mind, are we “All in”?
There’s something powerful about that kind of quiet determination, isn’t there? It’s not flashy, and it’s not loud, but it’s solid. Dependable. Steady. And, if we’re honest, those are the qualities that hold a marriage together over the long haul. Grand gestures might make for great stories, but it’s the small, consistent decisions that make a life.
It got me thinking about how often we, as spouses, face those same kinds of choices – not the dramatic, life-changing ones, but the everyday moments where we either lean in or pull away. Do I choose to engage when Melissa starts telling me about her day, even if I’m tired? Do I make time for her, even when my to-do list is screaming for attention? Am I fully present when we’re together, or am I halfway somewhere else?
“All in” doesn’t mean we’re perfect. It doesn’t mean we never fall short. What it does mean is that we’ve made a decision – a firm, settled decision – to show up. To keep trying. To be the kind of spouse who keeps building, brick by brick, even when it feels like no one’s watching.
Ray wasn’t trying to be a hero. He wasn’t angling for applause. He was just… there. Day after day, doing what needed to be done, because that’s who he was.
And maybe that’s the real question: who are we, when we strip away the noise and the excuses? Are we the kind of people who are “all in” for the promises we made, for the person we vowed to love?
It’s something I’m still working on. Some days I get it right, and a lot of days I don’t. But I hope, when Melissa looks at me, she sees someone who’s made up his mind. Someone who’s still all in.
What about you? What does “all in” look like in your marriage today?