I KNEW that would get your attention!
But before you jump to conclusions, let me explain. I’m reaching back to an older, more nuanced and I believe profound definition:
“to make love is to have a profoundly tender and passionate affection for another person”
And that brings us to a question every husband needs to ask themselves – myself included:
Who is making your wife feel pretty, loved, and cherished today?
The Quiet Drift
Marriages rarely crumble overnight. The slow drift happens in the everyday moments – when busy schedules, distractions, and the sheer monotony of life take precedence over intentional affection. At some point, I’ve found myself guilty of this too. I’ve stopped noticing my wife’s smile, the twinkle in her eye when she laughs, or the way she looks when she’s lost in thought.
It’s so easy to assume she knows how much I love her, especially after years together. But here’s the truth I’ve come to realize: if I’m not actively making her feel loved, someone or something else might.
No, I’m not suggesting infidelity is lurking around every corner. But we live in a world where affirmation and attention can come from a thousand sources: coworkers, social media likes, or even a passing compliment from a stranger. If my wife isn’t hearing “You’re beautiful” or “I love you” from me, where will she hear it?
Love is a Verb
Making love to my wife, in this deeper sense, requires consistent intentionality. It’s not about grand gestures – it’s about daily choices to see her, to hear her, and to remind her she’s the most important person in my world. I need this reminder as much as any husband does.
Here are some ways we can all do that (and trust me, I’m preaching to myself as much as to you):
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Tell Her She’s Beautiful
Not just when she’s dressed up or on special occasions. I need to remind myself to compliment her messy hair, her makeup-free mornings, and the everyday beauty she carries as a woman made in the image of God. She really is beautiful – I see it all the time – I just don’t say it enough. -
Pursue Her Like You Did Before
I think back to when I couldn’t wait to see her, to hear her laugh, and to find out what made her happy. That man – the one who pursued her with everything he had – is still in me. I need to bring him back and let her feel she’s still worth pursuing. -
Choose Connection Over Convenience
After a long day, it’s easy to feel drained and crave some ‘me’ time – whether it’s scrolling on my phone or just retreating into my own thoughts. But I’ve realized that when I choose to spend even a few intentional minutes with my wife – talking, laughing, or simply being present – I’m reminding her how important she is to me. It’s not always easy, because I am tired, and I am often self-absorbed, but those moments speak louder than words, reminding her that no matter how busy or tired I am, she is my priority.
Guarding Her Heart
My wife’s heart is a treasure, entrusted to me on our wedding day. But treasures need care. If I’m not actively guarding her heart with my love, I risk leaving it vulnerable to the distractions, insecurities, and temptations of the world.
When I pour my love into her – through my words, my actions, and my presence – I’m safeguarding our marriage and honoring the vows we made. This isn’t something I can put on autopilot; it’s a daily effort, and I often fall short. But that doesn’t excuse me from recommitting myself to it, again and again.
Love is the Only Battle Worth Fighting For
The world constantly tempts us to settle for mediocrity, or worse in marriage. But love, real love, isn’t passive. It’s a choice we make every day. It’s a battle worth fighting, and it starts with me.
So, here’s the challenge I’m taking on, and one I hope you will too. Look at your wife today – several times – and ask yourself: Am I making her feel cherished, seen, and adored? Am I making love to her in the deepest, most authentic sense?
If not, let’s not wait for someone or something else to fill the void. Let’s be the men who love profoundly and passionately – today, tomorrow, and every day.
Our marriages are worth it. And so are they.